I'm aware of the motion of time. The clock goes round and round and round and I can hear it ticking and I feel as though I'm sitting on the hand of the hour letting it move me in the only direction it knows how.

Mostly, I'm okay to sit, but there are moments when the air is crisp and the sky is navy blue and sidewalks are for dancing and laughter takes the place of breath and I know it's impossible, but I wish I could stay just a little bit longer under the freckled dark. 

I'm aware of the motion of time. The clock goes round and round and round and I want to stand up and push back -- fight the hour and the minute with both of my hands and send the seconds in reverse. 


“Stop being so afraid! That’s really what strikes me when I look back — the sheer amount of time I spent tangled up in fears and doubts that were entirely of my own creation… Focus more on learning than on succeeding — instead of pretending that you understand something when you don’t, just raise your hand and ask a question. You’re a smart girl, and chances are if you’re confused, plenty of other students are too. And for heaven’s sake, let yourself really fail once in a while — not some tiny little mistakes here and there, but big, glaring, confidence-shaking, dark-night-of-the-soul-inducing failures. Understand that no one — especially folks who are truly successful — simply coasts from achievement to achievement. The most accomplished people in the world fail and fail big. That’s how they learn so much and grow so quickly and become so interesting and wise. In short, stop trying to be someone who will impress everyone else, and just focus on being and becoming fully, sincerely and passionately yourself.” — Michelle Obama

December Archives

Welp, despite my usual failure to complete things of this nature, I did it. 12 months of angst, spanning the years, brought to you from the archives of my Tumblr.

Most of these excerpts are nothing short of cringy, but that is okay. I love this lil' internet home I've created for pieces of my heart to live. I'm proud of myself for stringing all of these moments and memories together to create some resemblance of a whole. 




17 December 2012

I love that feeling of comfort you get when you are sitting next to someone and you realize just how wonderful they are. I really, really do. 

23 December 2012

These are the things I am going to miss most. 

The 12:30am phone calls, “Come outside. We're going to look at the stars in the canyon.” Or knowing that every time I go to Oso Starbs I will run into at least three people I know. I will miss the weekly adventures. No destination in mind. No curfew. Just friends and togetherness. I will miss the Saturday night hugs that always make me feel so loved, and I will miss feeling like I belong to something great.

When they all leave and go to college they will take pieces of me with them. It isn't bad, just hard. 




04 December 2013

It’s okay to ask your mom to sleep in bed with you because you had a bad day. It's okay to ask her to hold your hair for you while you throw up. Don't take these small things for granted. Sometimes, you just can’t do it on your own.






13 December 2013

It’s the smallest acts of love that keep our hearts warm.

25 December 2013

You told me that you were leaving because maybe, just maybe, the grass would be greener on the other side…

Oh darling, there have been nights where I have longed so desperately to meet you there - watering bucket in hand. You’d tell me how the grass was dead all along. I’d laugh and tell you that flowers can’t grow where the sun doesn’t shine. You’d smile as you remembered - for the longest time I was your sun.

What happened to us, sweet? What happened to us, darling? 

We couldn’t meet in the middle, and now we’re two worlds apart.




15 December 2015

I think I could collapse under the weight of 2015.


16 December 2016

I never thought he’d be the one to hurt me most.