words

Translucent

We will wake up in familiarity

And I will let you drive my car

And you will give me a stack of your favorite cds to borrow

And we will eat pho in the rain and go to the flea and roam the city aimlessly and irresponsibly on days of the week while others work desk jobs

On public transport you will lean your head on my chest and take a nap

We will run so that we don’t miss our next connection

We will miss our next connection anyway

I will stare at the ceiling in the train station as I eat my soft pretzel, smiling

Eventually, I will reach for you

But you won’t be there

And I will understand

You let me see you in the dark

But were too afraid to remain in the light

A Text Message I Never Sent

I know I’m like a weird piece of furniture in your life.

My presence might not exactly be helpful when you’re trying to pack it all away and move into a new space.

I’m nothing practical like a fork or a garbage disposal… And if you’re someone that values utility only then maybe we won’t make it to the next part. But that’s okay, because I want to be heard and really heard, and never thrown away when you move because you never saw me, truly.

I’m sorry for talking like this (although I cringe to apologize) I know you don’t like it, but I am trying to let you in. I know you never asked to be here. But you are and you have been and since you’re moving soon it’s time for me to do the same.

So here is the space you’ve taken up inside my life.

All of these honest words belong to you.

Missy

You fight

Lies

Strung into your DNA like pearls

Begging to be told that they are beautiful

Demons and Darkness and Death and Sin

All anxiety tries to murder the soul

But I have watched you bloom and bloom

And you have helped me

Grow

Pins

You took the bobby pins out of my hair and I was undone. You notice the small things that most people don’t, and I never want you to go.

Socks

And I wanted you to care about the hole in my sock that I got at 9:30pm on New Year’s Eve 

And the nothing interesting that happened to me, too 

But you weren’t there and you aren’t here and the movie date we penciled in for the end of the week will go to waste and who’s gonna hold your magazines at the flea and why do we have to be so dramatic all the time

Or is it really just me?

Alone

Feeling

Empty space

Unrequited quiet-dark

2019 is the year

I don’t know what else to say

If ya really wanna know

It scared me away when you didn’t kiss me back