College is giving me an ulcer.
There I said it. One-hundred percent of the time I want to just give up, and focus every single ounce of my energy into being a creative human. The amount of homework I have on my schedule currently and always is clogging up all the space in my head to think clearly.
I'm stressed and sad and consumed with a lack of motivation so great that it keeps me awake at night worrying about how the heck I am actually going to get through all of this.
I don't believe in college. I believe in creativity and spending precious time making beautiful things. But I am continually participating in the very thing I hate, because I know that if I drop the ball on going to school I will actually feel worse about myself than I do right now.
It's hard being a creative in a world that doesn't support creativity.
The bottom line is that I know that this is what I was born to do, and I am tired of not being able to go at it full force. I don't want to carve out time to be creative. I want to eat, sleep, and breathe creativity around the clock.
I have to continually remind myself that I am only 20 years old, and that college is an investment my future self will thank me for... hopefully...
*Reminder to future self: thank 20 year old you for going through this hell to give you a bright future.
Anyway, when this is all over and I get to hold that very significant, tiny, weightless piece of paper in my hands, I amgoing to frame it.... and then I am going to have a reeeeaaaally big party. If you got through this entire blog post then you are definitely invited.
In the meantime, I found this pretty little note to self.
Keep me in your prayers for these next few years,