November Archives

N O V E M B E R

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2012

27 November 2012

Sometimes I stay up late just because I like the way darkness feels around me -- all encompassing and devout in nature, but permeable at the same time.

I'm listening to Clair de Lune on repeat, and I wonder if anybody has ever looked at me in the same way that I look at darkness and the bashing of someone’s fingers across the keys of a piano -- unabashedly beautiful and reckless.

29 November 2012

We’re all dealing with a lot of the same stuff which I find funny, because we all feel so alone.

2013 

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08 November 2013

I’m not really sure who I am right now. I’m a whole lot more lost than ever before, but I can’t seem to care. And I don’t want anyone’s sympathy. And I don’t want people to worry about me.

I want to melt

like the wax on a candle from the heat of the flame

into the background or the pattern in the sky.

How does the part of me that wants to disappear exist simultaneously with this sick desire to be someone? Anyone at all.

Do well, be better, be known. 

I want all the good things.

I don’t want to hurt anyone and I don’t want to be a burden and I don’t want to go away for the weekend and come home even more empty than when I left.

I want the beautiful boy to want me, and I want to laugh.

But ah, the eternal truth: life is hard -- moms get brain tumors and junior college sucks even though you don’t want it to.

You turn down the adventure because you're scared of what you'll find and you lay in your bathtub until the heat makes you

sick.

2014 

12 November 2014

Loving you, always. 

2015 

22 November 2015

I want to bury myself in pillows and cry for days.