editors pick

Miss Independent

An Ode to standing alone

I was eighteen years old the first time I decided to (wo)man up and take myself on a solo movie date... People go to the movies by themselves all the time. It wasn't really thaaaat big of a deal, but it required me to admit out loud that I was alone on a Friday night, and for that reason it felt equal parts awkward and uncomfortable. I had to give myself a push. When the movie ended and the credits rolled, I sat alone for a few minutes in the dark. I was proud of myself and shocked by how much I actually enjoyed the experience of being on my own. 

I realized then that the building blocks of bold are small acts like taking yourself to the movies. 

I'm not romanticizing solitude, or saying that you're better for going out in public by yourself, but I am advocating a shift in the negative connotation that comes from letting others know that you are a party of one. I want standing alone in a crowded room to feel like a declaration instead of a confession. 

Here's a few definitions of the word independent

  • not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself

  • not subject to another's authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free

  • not influenced by the thought or action of others

  • not dependent; not depending or contingent upon something else for existence, operation, etc.

  • not relying on another or others for aid or support.

  • refusing to be under obligation to others

  • possessing a competency

Next time you're flying solo, remember what it means to be independent and let it empower you.  

Solitude is a lovely practice. There's a sexy layer of confidence in showing up to a bar by yourself to enjoy a drink.

Growin Up

Lately, I've been talking to a lot of my friends about alllll the adult things I've been doing. I'm new to buying groceries for myself. Paying rent is lyyyyyke omg, I remember a few months ago when all that money went towards clothes. And buying toilet paper before I run out, well, that's probably the most adult thing of all. 

Even though I've been running around in circles, working 40 hours a week, and actually sustaining myself in a myriad of adult ways, I still don't feel like an adult. I'm not mad about it, it's just strange. I always thought I'd get to this point in my life and feel like the adult version of myself. I have the keys to my very own place for crying out loud! 

Here's the thing, I can't feel myself all of the sudden magically transitioning into an adult version of who I am, but I can feel myself becoming. I can feel myself growing up into the person I'm supposed to be.

Within the next ten years I could be married and have kids and a house and a dog. 

I've spent my whole life waiting for certain special milestones, thinking that once I reach them I'll be done. And that makes sense... to an extent. But then I realize that the work in me will never fully be done. I am still growing. And yes, obviously it would be easier to just identify myself as an adult and call it a day. But I am unable to do that, because growing pains are real and hard and they hurt like hell. They are a constant reminder of the unfinished work in me - the un-adult living inside of my framework. 

I've been asking a lot of friends who are in the same boat and they all agree that it's hard to identify themselves with adulthood. So, I've decided we should probably ditch the world adult, and replace it with the word growin up. Not grown up. Growin up. Because let's face it, we're all works in progress.