Last nights bout with insomnia had me hard core stalking my own tumblr. As I was scrolling I came across an obscene amount of emotional excerpts that span across a period of SEVEN YEARS. While the decision to share my feelings publicly on Tumblr in 2011 probably wasn't the best idea I've ever had, I found it interesting to see all of the years lined up in a nice and neat month to month format. I was inspired, so I am making the bold decision to share a handful of these excerpts.
Over the course of the next twelve months I will be posting pieces relevant to the month in which they were written. The series will be entitled Archives. So, without further adieu I give you:
J A N U A R Y
21 January 2011
I'm afraid I have fallen in love with a precious little angel face. His name is Justin Bieber.
13 January 2012
Today my mom asked to see my hands. That sounds funny. I mean, it did when she said it at least. She looked at them and said they were so small. So I asked to see hers. We put our hands against each other to compare and they were the same size. We even have the exact same crooked ring finger.
Today I learned that I have my moms hands. I like that more than just about anything.
16 January 2013
They say that when you know, you know. I hope they’re right, because I honestly cannot wait to meet someone and just know. I am tired of confusing, awkward, and uncomfortable. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind them. I think they are a part of life, and getting through them makes you more human somehow. I am just really excited to go on a first date with someone and not feel like it’s a first date at all. I am excited to have that feeling be mutual.
2 January 2014
"I’ve been thinking about you
I miss your smile
I wish I could be there."
And I’ve had so many moments where I’ve wished just the same.
You should have seen Central Park today.
It was covered in snow.
January 1st 2015
I have the utmost respect for people who are brave. I hope more than anything else that I can be a brave – with people, and time, and the whole entire mix of things that make my life worth living. I want so badly to be true. Let me be brave and let me be true.
11 January 2016
You can be strong and desperately sad at the same time.
13 January 2016
You’re the dust that I can’t shake
I breath you in but never out
I try to run, far and fast
But you live inside my bones
5 January 2017
Today I got the idea to cut all of my hair off. I called the salon immediately upon my whim and booked an appointment. I don't believe in emotional hair changes, but I knew this was appropriate. New year, new me... Hah... Ya that's not a thing. But anyways, I did it. I sat in the chair and said chop it off. No looking back.
Cutting your hair is like shedding an old layer of skin. It was one of the most healing experiences I've had in awhile. It's a plus that I totally dig the style, but even if I didn't I knew that cutting it off was the right thing to do.
I am practicing letting go, and I'm getting better and better at it everyday.
Sometimes a physical reminder of the new is honey to the soul. Here we go 2017.