HONESTLY. A lot has happened in my life in the past week. Probably the biggest week of change I will ever experience… Good changes and not so good changes. Changes that require a lot of processing, easy and hard...
Needless to say, I have experienced every emotion on the spectrum this week.
EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
So, anyway. I have my moments.
I have experienced so much weakness. Absolute, unshakeable weakness. And I think to myself in these moments, this is it. This is real, true life. This is the stuff that is hidden behind the smiles and the highlight reals. Weakness, and breakdowns, and stupid decisions made out of angst and longing… regret…
So yeah. I admit it. I am incredibly human, and I am incredibly aware of that at this moment in my life.
I started a new job today, which was such a happy thing. I worked ten full hours before I got home. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I spent the whole day over analyzing a situation that I have absolutely no control over. I was stressing, trying to make out what things meant, and how it was going to work out RIGHT NOW. THE WAY I WANTED IT TO. Because let’s be honest, I am horrible at waiting. I want everything immediately. Instant gratification is a lifestyle, people...
But this time, in the midst of my over analyzing and circling the same thing one hundred times, I heard myself, and I stopped. I swear, I am not crazy, but a voice inside of me said exactly this,
“HANNAH. Don’t you know?! This is it. This is your fresh start. THIS is your white wall experience. This exact time period in your life, no matter how stressful, overwhelming, or uncontrollable is the greatest gift you have ever been given. Every single thing is going to work out for the best. There is a plan. And it’s not some mediocre, half assed, “maybe I’ll be happy, maybe I won’t” plan. No. It is a plan that promises to exceed your wildest expectations of the plan. Take heart now and always. Let this promise be your strength.”
And so I stopped because I realized that this was my mantra… every single thing is going to work out for the best...
I am suddenly all to aware of how often I let the worries steal that truth away from my heart.
So here is the point: there is strength in being honest with yourself about your weaknesses. You don’t have to let the whole world know about your sadness. It is only important to be honest with yourself.
I have so many friends that are experiencing heartache right now. And to them I say, I can empathize hard core. You are not alone, not even slightly.
I want to encourage and inspire my friends, and people everywhere to find the strength that exists inside of them. It might sound cliche, but IT IS REAL, AND IT IS AN IMPORTANT TRUTH.
It is okay to not be okay.
Please, let yourself feel those horrible emotions, but do not let them own you!!! You are not a puppet on the strings of deceit and hurtfulness. Each and every human being has so much light to give this world, and it is a crying shame to let that light be distinguished by toxic people that only want to drag you down and hurt you.
Let’s be stronger than the weakness. Let’s draw strength from the core of our beings. (I promise, it exists even when it doesn’t feel like it.) And let’s find hope in the fact that there is an extraordinary plan that is already in play.